I watched the sunrise today, and it reminded me of my life. Soft and new and full of hope. Slowly brightening into a new day. All the future unknown, except for that steadily rising spark, spreading softly into a harsh bright light.
I watched the morning become the day and it reminded me of my life. So bright. Almost too bright, it hurts. No clouds in site, aside from a few small white puffy questions. Too hot, uncomfortable for anywhere but the shade. Still wandering into the brightness occasionally for the deceptive warmth that leaves harsh painful burns afterwards. Only soaking in ice cold in the shade relieves the pain. The ice removing all feeling. Sometimes I wish it would last.
I watched the clouds join together for a storm, and it reminded me of my life. Still uncertain and unpredictable, the hard light still there, but a pained sorrow of darkness looming. Then the rains fall, so soft. So cooling and soothing. Caressing me like a thousand tiny touches. A thousand tiny joys around me. A thousand ways the burns are healed. Dancing in the rain. It's so nice and dark, but it's still the day. It's warm, but the burns cannot get through so easily. Is this what it feels like to be one with yourself?
I watched the Storms ease and the day turn to evening and it reminded me of my life. The softness of twilight before the black darkness of night. Still the fading rays of the day. Confused and unsure wether to give in to the night, or fight to keep the day burning for a little longer. Finally fading softly into a beautiful warm/cool dusk. So soft. So quiet. No cruel burns to strike me. No cold winds to chill me. A newness unlike the harsh light of full day, or the half promises of morning. A new future apart from the now old day. A new me.
I watched the dusk become soft night, before the stillness of complete darkness. One the borders, where I know I can take one step towards the horizon and be in dusk again, or one step away and be in darkness.
And it's my life.
© "Raksha" RJ Boettcher 2002
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